Quick, to the slutcave!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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