I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
