I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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