I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
