I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
