I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
