I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
