How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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