Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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