Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
