shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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