I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
