Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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