I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
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We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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