so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
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It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
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I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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