mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
