whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
