...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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