There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
