So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
