My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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