Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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