how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
