STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
