I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
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Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
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Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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