my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
