His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
