remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
