one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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