you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
