So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
