Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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