You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
