I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
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