I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
