Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
