I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
