If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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