At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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