SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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