i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
