She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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