okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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