If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
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It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize