i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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