Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
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Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
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I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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