Life is so much better after having sex.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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