i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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