Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
