We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
