I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
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drinking out of a sandbucket again
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
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Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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