dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
