Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
