I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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