im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
