Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
not ubering you a puppy
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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