Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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