You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
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Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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