mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
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I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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