if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
