I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
